The love between a mother and daughter is forever.
April 12, 2016
This week marks 19 years since my mother died. Ironically enough, it felt like the perfect time to embark on this journey.
Over the years, I've done a lot of soul searching and have realized that the experience and the devastation of losing my mother has shaped the woman that I've become.
April 10th 1997. Forever etched in my mind. The day was filled with dread and sadness. It's amazing that I can barely remember what I did yesterday but can describe, in explicit detail, everything that happened that day and those that followed. I can recall what we ate for dinner the night before, what I was doing, what my mom was doing as well as our last conversation. She told me to "cherish every moment because you never know when I'm going to go."
She'd wanted me to accompany her to a dance recital. At 17, the last thing I wanted to do, on a Saturday night, was be my mom's date. Instead of accepting the invitation, I told her to take my dad. At her response, I paused, and gave her a "yea, whatever Ma." I went back to my NY Daily News sweepstakes, trying to win free tickets to Great Adventure. Unbeknownst to me, it'd be the last conversation that we'd have. When I brushed her off, I had no idea that she wouldn't wake up the next morning. I thought I had all the time in the world, but the joke was on me.
In knowing that tomorrow isn't promised, I don't wast time on trivial things. I don't hold grudges, I focus on what's important and I live. It took me some time, but even though I long to hear her voice, I'm at a place where I can smile at the memories. I can listen to my girls talk about the grandma they never met, without shedding tears. It warms my soul that they want to know her. I tell them that she was a strong, caring, compassionate, and beautiful human being. At 17, I would have never admitted it, but I'm a lot like her. I look in the mirror and see her face. I look at my life and see her heart.
Mom, you are always loved, will never be forgotten and will forever be missed.